


Miserable America

by CieraDarlene



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Homophobia, M/M, Mike has a lot going on, Modern AU, Purely for convenience sake, Racism, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 04:03:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13651038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CieraDarlene/pseuds/CieraDarlene
Summary: Being a black, gay teen in a small white town.





	Miserable America

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off the song Miserable America by Kevin Abstract, if you've not heard it, please listen to it. It's a great song and heavily inspired this fic.

Mike always found it weird how the world only loved half of him. The world half, and his family the other. It was hard to find anyone who loved all of him. He didn’t really care though, not anymore; He was over it. All of that said, though, he didn’t really care for much, secrets including. There’s not much that people didn’t know about Mike. He didn’t really need anyone to love him because he could love himself. Which, to be fair, wasn’t saying much because even he sometimes struggled with loving all of him. He was working on it, though. 

 

When he was 16, he started skipping dinner to bike into town to meet his boyfriend, Stanley, at their favourite diner. 

 

He didn’t like being home because he decided he was better off doing his own thing. Ever since he told his parents he was gay, they struggled. There was a shift. They still loved him, kind of. But they’d say backhanded things like, “We don’t condone the way you choose to live” as if he was choosing to like dudes. He still loved them, though. He got it, kind of. They’re old, they love him, they just don’t get it. 

 

That was the first instance of realizing they would only love half of him. The black half. They proudly celebrated their blackness in his home, it was drilled into his head to love his melanin. Which is much easier said than done when you live in a small town and go to school with a bunch of white people. 

 

The second time he realized only half of him was loveable is when, after 8 months, Mike suggested he meet Stanley’s parents. Stanley’s response was to take a nervous sip of water. 

 

“I don’t know if my parents are ready for that,” Stan mumbled, sheepishly. 

 

This was confusing. Stanley’s parents knew Stan liked boys, it wouldn’t be a shock. But Mike got it moments later. It wasn’t because he was a boy, it was because he was black. He didn’t push the ordeal, he just nodded and continued eating his waffles. Stanley hung his head, knowing full well he’d hurt Mike’s feelings. 

 

Stanley didn’t care that Mike was black, it didn’t bother him. He loved Mike, and Mike loved him back. He just didn’t know if his parents would be thrilled with the idea of Stanley dating a black guy. They aren’t racist or anything, they just aren’t exposed to a world where that’s normal. 

 

Mike knew it too, he knew it wasn’t Stanley’s fault and that he loved him, but in that moment it didn’t feel like it. He felt the half again, which wasn’t an unusual feeling.

 

The third time was every single time one of his friends would make an off-handed comment about his race. It may not have been directed at him, but it felt like it. He never said anything, though. How could he? He was their token to racism disguised as jokes. He was their friend.

 

So when sunset rolls around, Mike goes biking by himself. And he tells himself he doesn’t care. It’s a lie, and he knows it, but it makes him feel better So he starts filling the secrets with lies as the sun sets and tints his skin golden. He’ll bike until he can’t see anymore, and he’ll go home. He’ll kiss his mom on the cheek, which also feels like a lie, and he’ll flop into bed. 

 

He’ll text Stanley a goodnight. He’ll tell him he loves him, and when Stan says it back he can sense it’s true. Stan loves him, all of him. And that kind of made it easier to love himself.


End file.
